Music: She's Lost Control

It's certainly not an original pick for a Joy Division song, but I was finishing some work late last night (to blame for this late post), and 'She Lost Control' came on. It's a good song, even if I tend to avoid it because of how overplayed it can be, but this time, given my current teaching block is neurology, it made me pause.

Curtis was a well known epileptic, and contrary to popular belief actually wrote this song about a girl with epilepsy whom he saw fitting, and later discovered had actually died as a result of a seizure. His own condition being poorly controlled, I can't imagine how terrifying that was for him.

I had to tell a (simulated) patient on thursday that he had to give up the job that was keeping his family of six out of debt because he wasn't safe behind the wheel of his van. Like psychological illness - which Curtis also experienced - epilepsy is perhaps more frightening than any physical illness because it is your own brain turning against you; you are utterly alone. This is even before you factor in the stigma faced by patients, or the all the limitations placed on them. It's disabling and isolating, which really comes across in the song. I wish it could have gone better for him.




Fee

The Occult Trend: Non-Religious Symbols for the Secular

EDIT: I wrote this article running late for a deadline, and the end result I was unhappy with as it failed to convey the points I was trying to discuss properly; I've since overhauled it completely, though I've left the two first comments below (made below I updated the article) for posterity.

I find the current trend in alternative cultures for occult symbolism interesting; though it originates from loftier concepts of alchemy and witchcraft, it has brought fashion brands and symbols such as the St. Peter's Cross and the Sigil of Baphomet which were once derided as too 'mall goth' and intentionally provocative to wear back into popularity. From Blood Milk's dark romanticism to Killstar's pop culture blend, companies are joining in on this enthusiasm and drawing on paganism, ancient Egypt, western esotericism and witchcraft in their inspirations.

This most recent trend is just the newest in a long history of Goth borrowing from religious and spiritual movements; ankhs and crosses have become something of a cliché within the subculture. As far as I've seen the general consensus seems to be that practitioners are happy with this when done respectfully, but I know several bloggers who have stated that they don't personally feel comfortable doing so when they don't believe in the spiritual beliefs the symbol represents - indeed, many of my non-goth friends feel similar, either because they follow a religion of their own or just don't want to. There's a lot valid reasons for not wanting to adopt symbols representative of beliefs; I wear a lot of religious iconography quite happily (primarily the cross, the ankh and pentagrams, amongst others), but inaccurate usage of symbols (such as all the clothing with pentagrams and 'hail satan' slapped next to them) peeves me, as the designer has clearly not done their research, and considering this is another lens through which we view these cultures I think it's important to get them right.

So for those who have made the decision to avoid religious and spiritual iconography but still like aspects of the occult trend, I've compiled a list of alternative suggestions below -

Source one, two, three, four and five (which I've lost).

Skinny, White and Blogging

I want my blog to be successful. Pretending otherwise would be a lie - though I love writing for it, and I would continue to do so even if nobody read what I wrote, I do want an audience who responds and engages with me. Though it would be egotistic to pretend that I've 'made it', I've grown a little and earned regular commenters and followers who aren't just friends and family. I also love reading other blogs and interacting and supporting them - this community aspect is one of the reasons I stay blogging.

Increasingly I've found, however, that I'm uncomfortable with the lack of variety in most successful blogs. Though the alternative fashion community is significantly more balanced, most of the successful bloggers look the same, come from similar backgrounds and blog about the same lifestyles. Both Cora Harrington in her discussion of the 'documentary' The American Blogger and Nicolette Mason on how mainstream values impacts bloggers have described this, and it's making me increasingly uncomfortable. We are skinny, white and blogging.

Why I Wear Black

• It doesn't show stains.
• It instantly gives an air of professionalism.
• I don't get distracted by colour or pattern when shopping, and get to focus instead on the quality of the cut and fabric.
• Blue jeans make me uncomfortable.
• A monochrome wardrobe means I get to be lazy when picking what to wear in the morning; I don't have to worry about the extra dimension more shades add. Everything matches.
• It has a longevity and timelessness which bright colours and prints don't. You can instantly tie a print to a specific time or trend, and like Ivania Carpio of LOVE AESTHETICS (who partially inspired this), I lose interest.
• I like the associations of black. Obviously.
• Washing is far easier.

I get a lot of grief from friends and family for wearing such a dark and moody wardrobe, but I love it; without the need for work clothing (head to toe black is perhaps not so appropriate for a medic), I would quite happily eliminate all colour from my clothes, as rather than being restrictive it's very freeing. In reality it's no one's business and a simple 'I like it' would suffice, though I don't usually mind well-intentioned questions from friends, but for future reference I decided to put into words why I like black.





Fee


P.S. Big news for the summer! I'm going to trial posting every four days instead of the current five. Just so no one gets a surprise next posting day.

Adding to the Wardrobe

 

It surprises most people who know me, but I actually have a relatively compact wardrobe. Particularly my parents, who are well aware that my wardrobe at home contains all the clothes I own which don't reside in my Dundee wardrobe. I wouldn't call it a small or capsule collection, with some pieces included that need specific styling, but it's certainly not at the proportions of other fashion bloggers, goths or even friends.

I'm quite proud of this; a lifelong hoarder, over the past five or so years I've made a conscious effort to cut down on the amount of items I have - both pruning excess items I no longer wear and cutting down on buying. The result is the wardrobe I have today. This works out nicely for me, as I don't usually have problems getting dressed (well, I do - but that's not my wardrobe's fault) and what I have works well together. I don't feel like there's items that aren't worn, and I don't get Nothing To Wear Syndrome all that regularly, because there's very little excess fat.

Recently, however, something has been up; I've been spending increasingly long in front of the mirror, already late for my class but completely unable to pick. I feel like all my outfits are tired and look the same. The majority of my clothes need repaired. I've not been inspired by my usual sources. Insidiously, angst has crept into my feelings about what I wear. I have Nothing To Wear Syndrome.

Blogging: Self-promotion, Commenting and its Effectiveness

 

For those of you who have been reading for a while, you may be aware of my deep love for the podcast show Welcome to Night Vale, which is a bimonthly spoof radio broadcast of a town where all conspiracy theories are true. I tend to listen to it on iTunes or Soundcloud, but it was when I was on the latter that I saw something that ticked me off; Soundcloud allows the listener to add comments at specific portions in a audio file for everyone to see, which tend to along the lines of 'this tune' or 'I love X!' - however, there was one advertising the commenter's own electronic music album, and it made me irrationally annoyed. It was only when I was discussing the difference between blogging niches with the gamer that I considered the wider examples of this within blogging as a whole (particularly fashion blogging).

The internet offers endless opportunities for connecting with potential fans of your brand and getting word out about it. But as a result of the relatively new nature of the web and the delicate definition of online etiquette, problems can arise. And somehow, many bloggers can't tell the difference between useful online advertising and advertising which harms you.

Music versus Fashion: The Eternal Goth Debate

Egads. Here we go again. Music or fashion? Is it more important that you wear a Bauhaus t shirt, or know all their B sides?

Since goth music started branching out from post punk, we've been having the debate over whether the clothing or the crooning is more important to the scene. Varying opinions are seen, from Jillian Venters belief that it must be fashion, as turning your wardrobe over to the dark side takes a lot of effort (whilst this is true, I could argue that collecting my gothic rock LPs has taken just as much time and money to amass) to the oft repeated assertion that music is 'the backbone' of the subculture and came first. Every goth is expected to have an opinion on it, even if it's just to say that it's a dumb dichotomy and holding one over the other isn't going to make any difference to goth as a whole.

Just because I like feeling self important, I'm going to buck the trend and say that not only can one be held over the other, but for me they are intrinsically linked.

I mentioned the issue to a friend of mine jokingly sometime ago, and what came out was a quite heated discussion. He asserted that goth wasn't equal to other genres such as punk or rock, because fashion was such an integral part of it. To this I replied by hitting him around the back of the head with a pair of my Dr Martens and pointing out that the fashion evolved naturally from the music scene (and it did, according to the original post punkers), and to look down on something because it focused more on fashion was ridiculous (also, extreme amusement for holding rock above goth or punk, when one of the reasons punk came about was because rock became too self important).

I don't like this kind of fashion phobia. It's the kind of belief that is rooted in centuries of sexism, which says taking an interest in what you wear is frivolous and womanly. I can understand some people just aren't interested in fashion as much as others and music takes precedence when picking your favourite bands, but to criticize something or someone as vapid or self obsessed because they like coordinating their shoes with their bag? That's just playing 'my values are better than your values'. There's also a lot of snobbiness in the music side of the debate, as if it makes you 'greater' or more sophisticated in your enjoyment of the scene. I don't believe that because something came first that it's automatically worth more. Equally, though I wouldn't ever tell people not to take part in the subculture, I do find it odd that some can only enjoy the fashion and not listen to the music, and it's undeniable that goth is a music based subculture.

I find the music/fashion debate irrelevant to me, because not only do I love both parts (it's like asking me do I prefer breathing or pumping my heart more) but, for me, you cannot have one without the other. I mentioned it briefly in a previous post, describing why goth fashion is such an important thing to me -

"I could relate it to dressing for the occasion, but it's more central than that; it's dressing for how you feel."

As someone who likes fashion, I enjoy dressing to match how I feel. This applies to everything for me; if I'm dancing swing, I will pull out the pearls and the seamed stockings. If I'm feeling lazy, it will be jogging bottoms and a t shirt. Goth has heavily influenced my world view - not only that, but the music itself is incredibly moving; you can't help but get into the dissonance and the morbid romanticism of the whole thing. I can't express how strongly the music resonates with me. It takes you up in it.

And because I dress for how I feel, this is expressed through my clothing. This is the reason, I believe, that goth encompasses so many styles - from the winklepickers and the back combing of the early post punkers, to the hair falls and the leg warmers of the cyber goths. Obviously outside influences do play a part (e.g. the lifestyle and availability of clothing, the eighties fashion trend for mahoosive hair), but for me this is the core concept.

For goth, I don't believe in a music fashion dichotomy. I feel that people should have a choice in the matter, and they don't have to like one over the other or even either. It's a personal decision to each and everyone of us, and we shouldn't be telling one another which we feel is more important to the subculture as a whole, because whatever the answer it's not true for everyone.





Fee

Fatigue with Goth?

As you've all been well aware, I've been venturing into new territory in terms of fashion. Not only have I been finding new inspiration in the twenties and mainstream trends, but I've been feeling a little tired with gothic fashion (and to a lesser extent with the music), and unable to feel like making an effort beyond a cursory nod to my usual monochrome colour palate. Part of it is due to the horrendous Scottish winter, which makes me want to wrap up in as many layers of knitwear as possible and hibernate, and also feeling too ill for anything more than jeans and a tee, but I've not been inspired by my usual idols in clothes or in music, and I didn't want to force it; it was weird feeling a disconnect from what has been a bit part of my life for a few years now, but it would be worse to stick it out and force myself to stay with a persona for the sake of loyalty.

I'm happy to say that, after a brief holiday, my goth side is back with a vengeance.

When coming back home after a trip away, it refreshes anew everything special about it. After I began to feel more like making an effort with life, I ended up flicking through pinterest photos of Siouxsie Sioux and listening to old Banshees hits. And rather than feeling tired and over-played, my favourite albums were refreshed and captured me again. And just like that, my enthusiasm for gothic and post punk subcultures was revived.

As goths, we often make a big deal about how it's not just a phase, and how this is a lasting passion - which is understandable, giving the amount of slander many of us have received about how we'll be back in blue denim when we get a 'real' job. But one of the things I think is most integral to any alternative lifestyle is accepting that it may well be a phase, and not being afraid to drop everything and chase inspiration or sit down the make up and put something else on the record player. As a result of my period of wandering, I've not only rekindled an old love, but also given myself more ideas and stimuli than ever from areas I didn't expect.

Just as important as not being afraid to step away from well trodden paths, the experience made me think about what goth means to me. Many of my friends don't understand the dichotomy between music and fashion in the subculture, and how integral fashion is to the goth scene. I could relate it to dressing for the occasion, but it's more central than that; it's dressing for how you feel. Gothic music, the beating heart and backbone and soul of the movement, is dark and twisting, and has a wrenching beauty that's almost painful. It takes me up in that and makes me feel dark and mysterious and something more than mundane, as silly as that sounds, and I want to represent that in how I dress. There's a delicate balance between beauty and ugliness in goth fashion which is translated from the music; not only does goth challenge what you consider beauty to be, it forces you to think about whether beauty is even important or not. I rarely get compliments when I'm looking particularly gothic, and often get told I 'look so much nicer with lighter make up'. But I don't mind, even if those comments are a little insensitive, because it's not them I'm dressing for.

I'm glad I stood back from goth and considered it. It's made me far happier in my own skin, and more aware of its importance to me.






Fee

Charity and Second hand Shopping - as good as it sounds?

Image source.

Hi guys! I'm here to warble again!

This post was prompted by a comment from a friend when we went to go see Pacific Rim during the summer (very good film, with big ass robots and even bigger monsters) - I had just recommended the Spin Doctor clothing label to him (an offshoot of popsoda - the company which also runs Hellbunny - who have a very dark steampunk aesthetic), and whilst he said he might consider it, he joked that he was of the 'old snobby goth clique and [thought] that everything should be purchased in charity shops'.

This stuck me as odd - not because I don't believe in charity shops, or because he wouldn't be able to get anything in them (quite the contrary; it's fantastically difficult for him to get things in high street shops, which is the main reason he shops in charity shops rather than a moral objection), but for the dismissal by some in the subculture of anything other than The One True Goth Way.

Now, although we often criticize goth brands for churning out low quality, easily DIYed products and homogenizing the subculture - and let's not mention the 'insta-goth kits' - the Spin Doctor brand seem to make an effort to converse with their customers and keep them updated of new developments, and the three items I own from them (all gifts for formal occasions) are very good quality. But that's not the point; the point is about how the purchase of second hand clothing can often turn into an example of elitism in our subculture.

At its heart, charity shopping is a good thing. You are reusing clothes that may otherwise have gone to landfill, which is good for the environment and ethically means you aren't funding unfair labour by buying non-fairtrade items and clothing. It's usually cheaper, which is always worthwhile, and you can find unique clothing that you might never find in the shops. You're also giving to a good cause - I've heard of people donating items to charity shops only to purchase them later, just so that the shop can have the proceeds. Additionally, there's a certain fun in hunting through the rails and shelves to find that one perfect shirt you've been looking for for years, and a pride when you look through your purchases.

But, equally, there are problems with the process, particularly associated with the gothic subculture. These tend to manifest in a snobbish elitism that suggests you aren't a real goth if you don't buy all your clothes at oxfam. This ultimatum tends to ignore the realities of second hand for some of us; clothes are difficult to find for plus sized shoppers, and unless you live in a very diverse and alt-friendly area it's difficult to find big names such as new rocks or items for very specific fashion styles such as bustle skirts or fluffy leg warmers. And what about your basics, such as tights or tank tops?

Moving away from the goth specific aspects, second hand shopping can be difficult for those who don't live in an area where there are charity shops, or have other restrictions as to where they shop. On top of this, it's not necessarily always cheaper; the charity shops of Glasgow's west end, for example, are just as expensive as anything on the high street, and vintage can be incredibly pricy.

So, what's my conclusion? I do believe in supporting charity shops and small businesses selling pre-owned clothing, but I don't believe that it's the only way. Yes, the original trad goths and post punkers may have purchased most of their clothing second hand. But just because that's the way it used to be, doesn't mean it always has to be that way. For many, it's  simply a case of being unable to get the kind of clothes that they like or can wear, and they shouldn't be made to feel guilty about that. I feel that, by attempting to be ethical in our shopping in high street shops as well as supporting independent crafters and good goth brand names, there is nothing wrong with not being able to shop second hand.

What's your opinions on charity shopping? Do you feel that it's a viable option for getting all your wardrobe from? Tell me in the comments! :)



Fee

Why do we always make fun of teenage girl's obsessions?

Source.

I don't like Justin Bieber. His voice seems out of tune to me, he has a long, long history of acting like an ass and, quite frankly, I don't really get the apparent heart throb appeal. Regardless, I won't mock his followers. Why?

Partially, because they are a force of nature to be reckoned with. But mainly because they have every right to like who they see fit. Equally, I won't mock Nicki Minaj, Lady Gaga or One Direction, though their followers are just as obsessively passionate about their respective idol. Some of those artists have put their names behind good causes and have worked hard to get where they are, so regardless of what people think of them (or, indeed, if they are worthy of critique) they don't deserve the over the top scorn that's heaped on them.

You'll notice that all of the oft-mocked artists mentioned have a mainly female following, and I think that that displays a pretty significant degree of misogyny. We're always bringing down teenage girls for what they like, whether it be their love of fashion, their make up (god forbid they apply it a little too heavily or inexpertly!), their facebook posts or indeed their music tastes. We call them vapid and frivolous, accuse them of being petty and obsessive. The artists they like are all accused of being cheap sellouts which no self respecting person could appreciate. This doesn't happen with things teenage boys like, and ignores all the really fucking cool things teenage girls have done. 

I had an obsession. It didn't make me a bad person, and I don't regret one bit of it. Source.

But, you say, these things are ridiculous! How could anyone declare that they would die for Harry Styles when they've never even met him? Or actually enjoy Evanescence? Well, equally the things teenage boys like are ridiculous. Sports fans suspend all rules of social etiquette in the stands and base their entire lives around teams who don't give two shits about them. Call of Duty is a dick swinging rage fest filled with the bottom scrapings of the barrel. The obsession with getting a six pack is laughable. Let's move on.

Furthermore, teenage girls are going through a hell of a time (I would know. I was one). They are shifting from child to adult - both physically and mentally - and have to cope with new pressures from society, from parents and their peer group alike. The teenage years is when people learn to express themselves and find out their interests and passions. So what if they're rather enthusiastic about their support, or like the things that the pop industry spend billions marketing at them? They're already going through a hell of a time, and your mocking doesn't help.

One of the most important things I've learned through being both a feminist and being a goth is that an open mind is the most valuable thing anyone can own. I accept that, yes, some people think the way I look is horrendous and ugly as hell, and also that my particular vein of sex positive feminism isn't agreeable to others in the movement; that's the result of everyone being, you know - different people.

Equally, I can understand how teenage girls like what they do. Does their enthusiasm for boy bands sporting £500 haircuts make a serious negative impact on your life? No? I didn't think so.

So stop telling girls that they are horrible human beings for loving the things they do.



Fee

Baby Bats: Finding your way in the subculture

Goth beginners! This is a topic that's been to death, unfortunately - we've all been there once, and quite frankly a lot of us are glad we'll never be back. I, certainly, am glad of that, and arguably I had a lot more support than other newbies did. This wasn't even a topic I'd ever planned on blogging about, but the most recent Gothic Charm School post, where the questioner Krista describes feeling like she's 'lost' and a 'fake' entering goth, made me reconsider this.

Starting out the goth subculture is, I won't lie, bloody difficult; as well as expensive or hard to make clothing, 'the list' of approved bands, the high value placed on looking 110% ooky spooky all the time, trying not to look like you've just entered the subculture, navigating the double standards ('don't wear bondage pants, or you'll look like a mall goth! But of course, wear what you want because goth doesn't have a set of rules or anything.') and arguing about what goth actually is, it's a culture shock. We have our own heritage, our own trends, our own in-jokes and social circles, and entering that completely fresh is difficult.

For most of us who have been comfortably identifying as spooky for some time, this might be difficult to remember, but try and think about it from the newbie's point of view; you've only just started exploring your darker tastes, had a wee look on the internet, and BOOM! You're hit with more information than there are sexist double standards in the US Republican Party. Goth is, as I said, completely separate from the mainstream in a lot of ways, and new goths are expected to learn a lot of information very quickly from complete scratch. Whilst those growing into mainstream culture have the advantage of being aware of trends and music and all that from an early age, newbies don't have that. As the questioner from GCS exemplifies, you feel a bit lost.

Being a baby-bat (not a term I'm particularly fond of, but oh well) is difficult for other reasons; the crippling feelings of inadequacy. A lot of us were drawn to the by the photos of elaborate, perfectly dressed alternative models, such as Emily Pollution or Razor Candi, or by the wealth of atmospheric music. But this comes as a double edged sword - there's no way you can listen to all that music history, or build up that kind of wardrobe, dress sense or make up application skill so quickly (particularly when young goths can't buy clothes online, or when we harp on about thrifting or learning to sew so much, which - though great! - does take a lot of time). And what about those who don't fit the modelesque mold? We've already established that fatphobia and idolization of pale skin and western features are problems in the subculture, but even littlethings like not being able to have body modifications because of school can make a new goth feel inferior. As a result of all this, newbies often feel like they won't ever be a 'real' goth and get disheartened.

I started identifying as goth pretty late (comparatively, anyway) in life, just before I started uni, and I struggled with all these things; it took me time to relearn what worked in an outfit and that it was okay to still have a wardrobe in transition. I was worried about not wearing Wave Gotik Treffen-worthy attire 24/7, and only having listened to a narrow selection of gothic rock bands. I struggled with having brown hair in a subculture that values unnatural colours, and because as the only goth in my social circle, I didn't have anyone to look to for advice or to relate to on spooky matters.

I still feel a bit overwhelmed at the amount of goth music out there; it's like staring into a never ending black hole sometimes. I still have moments of 'damn, I wish I'd worn something better today!' when I see another spooky type. But for the most part, I'm comfortable with where I stand. I probably dress non-goth as much as I do goth, but I don't feel guilty for doing so. My friends, though they may roll my eyes when I start regaling them about the interpersonal relationships between the major gothic rock bands whilst drunk (sorry Ben), but I know that regardless of their lack of interest in spooky things they care about me and support me. I may not fit the uber goth image I had when starting out, but I'm sure as hell happy with where I am.

Mysterious black clad femme fatale? Well, no. Delighted at redisovering snap chat on a study break? Absolutely.

Writing this has made me consider making my own advice for baby bats, but I also don't want to contribute to the problem of ALL THE INFORMATION FLUNG AT YOU, so I'm torn. Until I decide what to do about that, I do have this to say -

1. Goth can be confusing. Don't try and learn everything, and don't act knowledgeable if you aren't. 
2. Don't listen to all the 'don't do this horrible mall goth thing' tidbits. If you want to wear crow make up, you go wild. (Just know that some people might turn their noses up.)
3. You don't have to dress to the nines every day; it takes time to build up a goth wardrobe. It's okay that you don't look like Patricia Morrison just yet
4. There is no holy group of essential goth musicians; there's a lot of bands and artists which kick started the movement and many other famous ones, but don't worry if you only listen to them, dislike then and listen other goth genres entirely or are only here for the fashion.
5. Just do what you enjoy! Fuck trying to fit yourself into a box, and take all the time you need to work out what you want to do.

It takes time to become comfortable in your skin, and we need to remember this when we start trying to lecture at baby bats.




Fee




P.S. I don't believe this post showed up in update feeds, so this is a repost! Apologies if you've seen it before.

Question: how did you get into goth?

Apologies for the lack of activity on here! I've been rather busy on holiday, and trying to get everything on my to do list done (I need to update the one on here, as it's woefully out of date).

It just occurred to me today, partially as a result of a post I have scheduled and partially out of the blue, that I haven't actually said much about how I got into goth on this blog - I've certainly shown you how I dress, the crafts I make and the music I listen to, but very little of how I actually got started on the spooky path.

We often like to proclaim, as goths, how we've 'always been this way', and big up our weird childhood influences and whatnot, when in reality the conscious decision to start dressing in black and sway to the March Violets comes much later. However, innate nature and childhood influences do play a significant part, I suppose.

Growing up in Glasgow, probably the most diverse city I know, I've always been exposed to alternative fashion and life style. I watched goths (properly dressed up, nineties style) hang about in Glasgow Central Station holding onto my dad's hand as we passed through, I sat in the Italian café my family always used to go to - now closed - on Union Street and watched the teenagers queue up for the Cathouse, and I attended talks on manga at the Edinburgh book festival with a very elegant lady with long dark hair behind me (if she ever on the off chance reads this, I am so sorry you had to sit next to that Czech couple who sounded like they were making love in the middle row. They were bugging me too).

My dad was always of the opinion that goth was a transient phase, given that he 'never saw a middle aged goth', but I was fascinated by the otherworldliness of them, even if I didn't necessarily like the style. They lived in their own separate world, with different clubs and shops and fashions and friend groups. My taste for alternative clothing manifested in other ways when I was younger, with an Avril Lavigne phase (don't laugh) and many bizarre fashion experiments featuring (god bless my parents, enduring the tutus and trainers).

As for my actual descent into leather and lace? I've been a big fan of punk rock since I was about fourteen, and after a couple of years I got curious and started trying more of the original post punk. After discovering the original gothic rock I began reading goth blogs, and gradually my tastes began to show it. I sometimes wonder if my early 'exposures' at all influenced me, but I'm too busy enjoying my black and my bats to care. :P

So, to open this up to the floor (one of the things I love about blogging is the community that forms around it, and the in depth conversations that result), what inspired you to identify as a goth? Was it purely by chance, or had you only just realised that there was a name for what you liked?




Fee

The Great Pregnancy Panic

Nope - before you ask, I'm not up the stick, nor am I currently worried about it. :P

I've heard from two separate people in the one week about how paranoid they are of pregnancy. Both are sex-positive, both supposedly well educated on sex and contraception. Hell, neither were sexually active, and even describing the scenarios it was obvious that there was no real risk of it.

It may seem comical to an outsider, but I can relate, having had similar, completely nonsensical late period panics (and by nonsensical, I mean 'have only just realised that boys aren't smelly antagonists). And they wear you out. I could probably count more people than I have fingers who I know have had the same worries. So why, with the massive shift that's taken place in attitudes to sex over the past century, do we still have this panic?

When I first got 'the talk' from my mum, she stressed how important it was to use both a barrier and a hormonal contraceptive method, saying how condoms can slip or break (protip: this doesn't happen if you put them on correctly). In sex ed at school, I was warned about all the STDs I could get through sex, and shown terrifying pictures that could probably have put you off sex for life. And on top of that, all media was telling me what fuck ups people who had the misfortune to have an accidental pregnancy or catch an STD are. As a result, the real question is 'why wouldn't I be terrified of sex?'.

We haven't changed enough in western society. Whilst we've relaxed our grip on how sexuality is expressed, we still have a lot of hang ups as a society about sex, and as a result we aren't educating minors properly about it. My sex education, though world class when compared to the abstinence approach of many schools in America, was quite frankly terrible. In my last sex ed class, I was essentially told "weeell, you don't have to wait for 'the one'... but it's absolutely the better thing to do". I was never told about the actual mechanics of sex, or to ask for consent, or what actually posed a pregnancy risk. I was never told where my fucking clitoris was, for christ's sake. At the same time, sex is treated as a integral part of life in popular culture and you're a prude if you don't have it. It's a thin line we are expecting people to walk, balancing the social desirability of sex with the stigma of when unintended consequences arise. Cliff over at The Pervocracy outlines it very well -

 'God we fuck up teenagers' heads.  We tell them that biological conditions are moral punishments and then we get all shocked when they don't practice rational risk management of biological conditions.  We teach them "sex is super desirable and all the cool kids do it, and it's hideously shameful and will destroy your life" and we wonder why they act an eensy bit neurotic about it.'

Pregnancy itself (and STDs too) is a scary thing, if you didn't plan it. Your body is being taken over by another force, changing beyond your control and betraying you. Why would you want to heap more blame on people for an accidental mistake? Assuming you are a normal person who doesn't believe that HIV is god's punishment on sodomites or that it's tough luck for teenage pregnancies, you're probably wondering what can we do to break this system, and there are answers - 

• Increase access and awareness of different contraception types. Both of the people mentioned above didn't take the pill for various reasons ('fucking up my hormones' being a common one), but there are so many different contraceptive methods that are possible. This list by Scarleteen details all the options available, and helps you decide what suits you.
• Educate on actual pregnancy risks. Again, Scarleteen has a list of all the comparable risks associated with different sexual activities. 
• Remove stigma of STIs and accidental pregnancy, and their testing. Even with education accidents are going to happen - so stop showing the horror stories and photos, for Christ's sake, because there is no way when teenagers first become sexually active they will recognize what STIs actually look like, and they will be too embarrassed to seek medical help if they do.
• Improve access to abortion. I understand some religious readers might disagree with this on principle, but an abortion is never something a woman wants to get. If we stop shaming people who need abortions (which includes medically necessary ones, fyi!) we will reduce the terror experienced by teenagers when they or their partner's period is a few days off. 
• Stop telling all the 'I didn't know I was pregnant until I gave birth' stories. Seriously. That isn't going to help anyone frantically looking up stuff on the web.

Sex is fun. My mum only mentioned this as an afterthought when she saw how horrified I was after she first warned me about the risks. Maybe if we stopped making sex such a big deal, we could actually just get on with enjoying it, aware and safe.



Fee



P.s. Looking back over this post, it actually turned out far more like Cliff Pervocracy's post on the same subject than I would have intended or have hoped for, so apologies for the accidental cross over.

Charles Saatchi and Nigella Lawson: Domestic Abuse in the News

- TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF DOMESTIC ABUSE -